ask Yooo Everett

I feel like my boyfriend might be gettin bored with me and I don't know what to do about it!!

2010-04-04T17:23:00.001-07:00

Relationships can get a bit stagnant sometimes. At these times we have to do things to spice things up a little bit. This can be accomplished with a gesture as small as buying something just to let him know you love him to fixing him his favorite dinner to setting up an elaborate romantic night alone. If what you do is from the heart then it is sure to be appreciated and recognized. You can also try just going to talk to him about his level of excitement for the relationship. I recommend doing both, you cant go wrong with that.

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What do you do when you really love a guy and he says he loves you back but also that y'all aren't together? How do you take that? How in the world is anyone supposed to be comfortable with an open relationship when they're in love?

2010-04-04T16:59:00.001-07:00

True love doesn't only exist in an exclusive relationship. There is a variety of different reasons that he loves you but you all aren't in a relationship. Some of them include; he isn't ready to be in a relationship at the moment or a relationship between the two of you just isn't in either of your best interests. Just because an exclusive relationship isn't established doesn't rule out the possibility that he could be madly in love with you. As far as how can you be comfortable in the situation, well it is possible but first you have to discover and understand the dynamics of your relationship with this guy. It is natural to want to have some security involved when love is in the mix.; its a matter of not wanting to get hurt. If you really believe that he is, in fact, in love with you then you should trust that he is making the decesi9on not to be with you at this moment in the best interest of you, the relationship and himself.

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So i've made mistakes in my past with boys like gave head for nothing except hope and jumped from relationship to relationship and recently started having sex with my last 2 boyfriends does that make me a whore or something? sometimes I feel that way

2010-04-04T16:33:00.001-07:00

Making "mistakes" in the arena of sex is probably a problem that just about everyone has had before. As far as whether these results of poor judgement qualifies you to be a whore, well thats a matter of personal opinion. I would say the fact that you question whether you are a whore or not indicates a problem. You might want to reevaluate your sexual activities. Having sex with multiple persons simultaneously presents a whole gambit of possible problems that I don't even have to get into. Basically if you really don't feel good about the sexual things you are doing then you definitely do not need to be doing them. It will only present problems and cause you to feel bad on the later end.

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sooo. this is awkward. my old high school teacher likes me. what should i do?

2010-04-04T16:07:00.001-07:00

I have to say that is quite awkward. As far as what you should do depends on the type of relationship you all have at this point. If you just them randomly like in the grocery store or when you go back to visit your old school then not much at all needs to be done. Keep your distance and you should be good. If you have to deal with the teacher on a regualr bases then you may want to explain to them that it is a very awkward situation and you prefer to not change the parameters of the relationship.

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What do I do if my boyfriends acts different towards me when his friends around around? He tends to act like them and they are jerks

2010-04-04T15:53:00.001-07:00

A lot of time we act differently around our significant others when other people we care about are around. Whether its friends or family we may feel the need to present our boyfriend/girlfriend, our relationship, and how we fit into the relationship the way we think our loved ones want to see it. We attempt to show off our perfect relationship... Most often times we realize later that we should have kept it real with ourselves and everyone else. The best thing to do in this situation is to aswk your boyfriend how he feels about the relationship. Follow that with a presentation of this issue that you have. Try to find out why he feels he has to act differently. A lot of times you will find that the answer lies within confidence issues. It is somewhat natural for us to act a bit differently when around different sets of people so mild cases of this should be permissible but when it comes to a point of disrespect and maltreatment then a change has to be made.

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What do you do when you feel like your boyfriend see's you as inferior and doesn't treat you with the respect that he should

2010-03-14T11:26:00.001-07:00

Talk to him. Start an open dialouge about how he feels about you, your role in the relationship as well as his, and share with him your views on these things. You should also look into how he views and treas the other women in his life as this is often the most accurate gauge of what he thinks and feels about women. Make sure he understands the impact his behaviors are having on you. Also somethings to think about and meditate on; how you treat him, how much respect you show him, and how you treat yourself and the respect you have for yourself. People pick up on how much respect others have for themselves and will treat them with the same amount. As I always say; "people can only treat you how you allow them too". So if you want more respect get more respect.

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I feel stuck in life right now...any advice on how I can start doing something with my life that i'll enjoy?

2010-03-14T11:16:00.001-07:00

A lot of times in life we get to a point where we just feel stuck. The best way to "un-stick" yourself is to just up and do things. Try to figure out what you want to do, what you want to accomplish, what you want to learn, what goals you have for yourself and make into a checklist. After your checklist is done, aggressively resolve items on the list. If you just can not for the life of you figure out what you want to do go to your family and friends who are closet to you and ask them what they like to do, want to do, want to learn and such for ideas. Since they are close to you they will probably have similar interests as you and would make a great source for ideas.

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What is the best way to handle a situation when you are tired of being around a person but you dont want to hurt their feelings and you dont necessarily want them to go away for a long time. You just want them to either stop being so annoying or to leave?

2010-03-14T11:11:00.001-07:00

The best way to solve this problem is to take a little break from this person. Time away from people sometimes makes us miss them and reminds us why even though they may have some annoying habits and traits they also have some that we really like or love. Depending on how much time you need away from them you may be able to just craft-fully avoid them or you might have to very carefully explain to them you just need some time to yourself. You may also want to just go to them and address your issues with with them. A lot of times we do things that may annoy others without even knowing it; after it is brought to our attention we can make the changes necessary to accommodate.

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how should i break up with my boyfriend who i really like but I know we can't have future together?

2010-03-08T20:29:00.001-08:00

Just be honest and straight forward. First you need to sit to yourself and figure out why you feel the way you do. It will be a whole entire lot easier explaining to someone else how you feel if you understand it yourself. Once you feel that you throughly understand your position you need to go to him and explain everything. Keep in mind that you need to approach this situation tactfully, openly, and with great care and concern. Be prepared to offers answers to questions that may arise. If you are at all willing to try to work on the issue(s) that are keeping you from believing in a future with him it would be very beneficial to also explain that to him and then be prepared to do what's necessary to repair your relationship.

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formspring.me

2010-02-24T19:58:00.001-08:00

wat do u do if u think ur boyfriend is cheating

This is a question I am sure a lot of people would like to know the answer too. The great thing is the answer is pretty simple and clear. The best thing to do is.....ask him. It's really as simple as just flat out asking him is he cheating or not. Be sure to be calm and respectful. The most important thing to do after he answers is to respect his answer and regard it as truthful. There is no use in probing his answer or questioning it as this will cause additional problems in the relationship. Remember this is a pretty prickly issue and has dire implications for your relationship so tread lightly but focus on what's important.

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The Return...

2009-12-30T17:54:00.000-08:00

www.askyoooeverett.com is back in full effect! Its been a journey but I have made it through and I feel that I am ready to get this blog of mine back up and running. SEND IN YOUR QUESTIONS!

until futher notice

2009-09-30T16:14:00.001-07:00

many apologies for the late notice but this blog is on pause. i am going through a lot of changes in life, some personal and some profesional that provide obstacles in maintaining this blog. i hope to one day return to my position; it is one i hold in very high regard. keep me in prayer as i will keep everyone who has experienced this blog also. until next time; peace, love, and happiness.

Do I step in, or fall back?

2009-08-19T14:12:00.000-07:00

One of my homeboys used to mess with my best friend. My best friend now has a boyfriend but continues to talk to and ask my homeboy on various dates. I don't think my best friend knows that I know what she is doing and when I ask her does she talk to my homeboy anymore she says no not really. I do know my best friend's boyfriend and how to contact him. Should I encourage my homeboy to contact my best friend's boyfriend and tell him the truth, should I contact my best friend's boyfriend and tell him the truth, should I confront my best friend and call her out or should I just leave it alone and hope that it works itself out.

Wow what a tangled and somewhat confusing situation! This is truly a “danged if you do, dang if you don't” situation. The best thing you can do what you can with the limit amount of negative reaction. Your best friend is the center of this situation and most often its best to start with solutions at the source. You should go to this friend and advise her to quit whats she's doing. Explain to her that she is risking hurting a friend and that you don't think that's right. You should express to her that you are conflicted because you have one friend hurting another and you cant sit back and watch this. Ask her to be a friend to you by resolving the situation herself so that you won't have to step in possibly step on some toes.

He just won't tell me how he feels.

2009-08-19T13:20:00.001-07:00

Okay so I have a boyfriend and I really deeply like him and think our relationship could last pretty long. However, there are some issues; sometimes he completely ignores my texts and I feel like he doesn't share with me how he's feeling anymore. So do you have any suggestions on how to get his sensitive side out.

Well first off its really swell that you do actually foresee your relationship lasting a long time. Long lasting relationships can be rewarding but require the time and effort to ensure they run smoothly. The issues you are having are related to the number one aspect of a relationship that can make a break a relationship easily and that aspect is COMMUNICATION. If you read some other posts on here you will see that communication is key. I am sure you can understand that seeing as how your two problems are communication problems. The first step in solving any communication problem is by examining the problem and identifying your role in that problem. You think he ignores your text; well ask yourself is it possible that I send too many texts? Is it possible that he may have a reason not to answer? Does my text REALLY need an answer? If you answered yes to any of those they hey problem solved, fixed your part and the problem may go away. Now if you answered no then now you must take steps to seek a remedy from the other person. The best way to do that is to communicate to this person(via phone call or in person since he may be ignoring your texts) that you feel that they ignore your text. Let him know how you are feeling about him ignoring your texts and ask him to consider not doing. You will find that in situations like these the acts are unintentional and can be quickly remedied once attestation is brought to them. The solution to your second question is similar. Ask your self, Do I ask how he is feeling anymore? Does he tell me but I miss it? If yes than communicate with him that you have an interest in how he is feeling and would greatly appreciate it if he shared with you. The magical solution to any communication problem is to communicate more

Does my mom need to know?

2009-08-03T19:12:00.000-07:00

So I told my mentor that I had sex without protection and she wants me to get tested. I agree that I should I'm kinda scared, but the real problem I have is if I should tell my parents. My mother would be crazy disappointed in me and I'd feel bad. With her not knowing I can pretend it never happened but once she knows I think our whole relationship will change. I'm not sure what to do.

Well the first part to this situation is rather easy to deal with...RUN TO THE NEAREST CENTER/CLICNIC/HOSPITAL AND GET YOURSELF tested. Having unprotected sex isn't such a good idea these days, its high risk behavior that can have monumental consequences. If you don't feel comfortable going to a family doctor find the nearest Planned Parenthood center or other sexual health clinic. Think about taking a trusted friend with you to also get tested, that should provide you with enough support to make this process as easy as possible. As far as telling your parents, you know your parents better than just about anyone and that decision needs to be based on what you expect their reaction to be. If their reaction will be more positive than negative then it might be a go, but if it is more negative than positive then it might not be such a good idea. You really have to think about whether you would feel worse with either; the guilt of not telling them or the negative reactions that they may have.

I love my mom, but does she fit in my life?

2009-08-03T18:46:00.000-07:00

I love my mother very much. I want to have her in my life. But shes not someone i look up to or someone i want to be like at all. I feel like im not being real with her when im around her. And being mean her is not an option either. she's made many mistakes as a parent some very recent ones. But her reason(excuse) is that im the oldest and I will always automatically get the brunt of her mistakes. is that like ok? should i accept that as an answer. its really hard for me to act like im not really really pissed and disappointed in her as my mother, but i do love her very much. and i dont want to exclude her out of my life. I just don't know how to include her without causing stress for myself and for the person around me that i love.

When parents are introduced into parenthood they aren't fortunate enough to get a nifty book that explains everything there is to being a parent. (Maybe when the “ask Yooo Everett's Guide to Parenting “ comes out one day this will bring them up to speed a bit) It is a long process of trial and error and children are people and people are different so what they figure out that works with one child may change to the next. As a child you have to understand that and act accordingly. The root of most problems in any type of relationship is communication. So I have to push the communication option; the first step is to sit down and make a list of the problems that exist between you and your mother, this will help you sort out your ideas which will in turn help you to be able to think rationally and critically instead of emotionally. The next step is to have a sit down discussion with her. Present the ideas that you wrote down previously, be sure to be as respectful, open, and constructive as possible. To wrap up that conversation I would ask her to respond to each issue and have her explain to you her understanding of what you said. If after you have this open dialogue the problems still continue you may have to really think about how much of a presence she should have in your life, people can only treat you the way you allow them too.

It's me or them...

2009-07-27T21:53:00.000-07:00

Ok so I lost my virginity to this boy who already had a girlfriend and it was going OK but now the girl may possibly be pregnant. At first he was going leave me but now he's saying he loves me and can't bring himself to leave me. I truly have a lot love for him but I don't know what to do now....

This is quite a complicated situation. The first and only thing I can think of to advise you to do is to make your exit from this situation. Considering that he did take your virginity I know there are a ton of additional feelings and attachments that come with that, like that is really a life long bond. But despite that you really need to consider getting out of that situation. The fact that this other young lady may have a baby with him on the way is reason enough to split. He will need to focus on his responsibilities as a father and there won't be much room at all if any at all to facilitate a healthy and productive relationship with you. Now if the baby wasn't apart of the situation I would still tell you to step back from him to give him room to get himself together if you really loved him. Being a choice can be pretty emotionally charging especially if it doesn't look likely you will be the final choice. Like I said before I know it won't be easy at all but I do think you need to make this split and with as much quickness as you can. He needs to think about him and the consequences of your actions and you need to think about you.

Single but not too ready to mingle

2009-07-27T21:17:00.000-07:00

I am single and I don't want to be. I have guys who wanna be with me, but past hurt and the fact that I still have feelings for past guys who have added to that hurt cause me to shut out the ones who want be with me.

First off I think you really to sit and think about why you don't want to be single. Try writing down your thoughts, make a list of why you being single is not so bad, and why you would rather be in a relationship. If any of your reasons for wanting to be in a relationship are or are related to you feeling a need to be in a relationship you may have a negative self view and you will need to work on your self esteem/worth first. A healthy relationship with another person starts with having a healthy relationship with yourself first. Next there is nothing healthy or helpful about harboring on old feelings of hurt, you need to analyze them learn what there is to be learned ad drop it. I know the last one is easier said than done but it can be done. Furthermore I would definitely warn against getting in a relationship while you still have feelings for these other people those feelings are like bad seeds that will grow into very bad weed like plants that you don't want growing into your beautiful garden of love and bliss. Your best bet would be to get into a relationship with yourself, fall in love, work to let go of that which burdens you and then and only then if you still want to add someone else to the mix you should be in the clear to do so.

I could have your man if I wanted too...

2009-07-27T20:48:00.000-07:00

What should I do if a friend of mine's so called girlfriend/supposedly baby mama doesn't want me around him because she thinks I will take him (which I could I just don't want too and thats not me) and mind you she is crazy so he doesn't even want me around because he doesn't know what she might do???

Well first of all you need to shed the attitude of “oh I can take you man”. People tend not to realize that these internal attitudes have a way of creeping out even when we don't mean for them too or don't think they are. So you have probably been around this girl and she's picking up this vibe from you and she is understandably not happy about it at all. Next you are going to have to be the a big person and attempt to make contact with her. Clear communication is the key in any and every type of relationship. Talking with her about this whole situation couldn't hurt but could definitely help and maybe even spawn a new friendship between you too. Make sure to include in your chat with her that you have no intentions on trying to make a move on her boyfriend, and that you just want everything to be chill. As far as the crazy thing goes she can only be so crazy if your friend is dating her, but you don't want to trigger her 'craziness' so be sure to remain respectful and understanding.

Sibling Rivalry

2009-07-27T19:49:00.000-07:00

So my brother told has complained to my father that he wont be afforded the same educational opportunities as me because my tuition is so much. He feels that I am spoiled and since my parents are paying so much for my tuition they will only be able to afford community college for him. Before now he has continually said that he would rather go to a community college. Now my dad is telling me that I wouldn't have anything to worry about as far as paying for school since people see the potential in me, but since he has a bad history of not doing well in school people aren't as willing to invest in him. So my question is why am I getting blamed for my brother's future misfortunes when I am doing the right thing and actually care about school unlike my brother who only cares about girls, weed, and being too damn grown.

Well it sounds like you have a common case of sibling rivalry. Its common and the solution is simple but I don't know how willing you will be to work with it. The first thing I advise you to do is to go speak with your brother, be straight up about this whole thing. Really sit and take the time to see what he has to say. If he does have a serious interest in going to school and making something of his self I think you need to give him a shot. Now giving him a shot could consist of a lot of things. At the very least you need to give him the moral support, maybe even talk with him about how you think his current lifestyle isn't conducive with making something out of yourself. Next I think you should seriously consider investigating alternative sources of funding for school. I know that will be hard but I think you should give your brother the chance to prove himself. In today's times chances can be hard to come by for everyone let alone someone who who has a sketchy past. So I think you should really attempt to help your brother through this. Now if you want to take the support father you can help him look for a school that is right for him, and if his history in school is really sketchy he may very well be perfect in a community college. Remember family's purpose is too love and support each other; take the opportunities that come up to help others even if it's just giving a chance. At some point we all need someone to take a chance and invest in us.

I'll bust the windows out that trick's car!

2009-05-01T12:38:00.000-07:00

"Why do girls get pressed over guys that cheat on them, and then why do the girls always confront the other girls but not the man"

I don't think any girl goes out and tries to find a guy who they know will cheat on them. I think a good question to ask is why are people often attracted to others who end up hurting them? Much like cheating can be a learned behavior, being attracted to cheaters can be learned also. You may be attracted to some of the traits that are common among cheaters that you picked up in your life before ever even meeting this fellow. If you find yourself continually finding the “right guy” who turns out to be terrible try mixing things up and going out with a guy who you typically wouldn't deem to be perfect and see how that works out. Now as far as you confronting the “other woman” as opposed to “your man”, that's just a matter of misplaced blame for a situation. This young lady isn't responsible at all for your man cheating. At the end of the day she can't be held accountable for the decisions of your partner who is by the way the only one of the two who is accountable to you. So in closing you catch your man cheating, work it out or send him to the left but don't go at the other woman, she isn't the problem, your baby-boo-boo is.

I have this friend that cuts...

2009-04-23T23:19:00.000-07:00

I have this friend that cuts....I think she may suffer from depression and I just don't know what to do to help. I understand why she cuts because I have tried it, but I don't want her to seriously hurt herself. She doesn't want me to tell anyone, but I think she needs help. What should I do?

This is a very very very delicate situation. First off you are very right about her needing help. The good thing about this is that she reached out for help from you just by telling you. The best thing you can do is provide an outlet for her to get things off her chest. Never pass judgment or say anything negative. Strongly encourage to seek professional help of some kind. She can seek help with the counselors at her school or a member of the clergy. You are in a position that can be very stressful because you want to get her help but you don't want to violate her trust. If its an experimental thing I would strongly suggest that you strongly suggest her seeking out help on her own. If at any point it gets worse you should explain to her that you care for her and therefore insist that she talks to someone. You can be a super friend by also offering to accompany her to a session that is set up for/by her. I commend you on your initial concern for her and know that she needs for you to be a good friend and get her the help she needs. She might not even like it but hey she will be alive another day to be upset about it.

Below is a link to a site that provides numbers/links to crises centers nationally and locally.

Suicidehotlines.com

I have a boyfriend...I think...but I like this other guy...

2009-04-23T22:38:00.000-07:00

"so I'm in a relationship, but my bf isn't really there for me in a sense and I noticed you say a lot about communication but I can't even get in contact with him! I feel as if we're not even together, but I don't know. And there's this other guy that I'm really starting to like, but I won't mess with him because I'm technically still in a relationship and he has a chick. So my question would be should I stick around with the first guy or just move on in life and if I do decide to move on should I try talking to the second guy."

Tough deal here, first off, I commend you on your faithfulness without even knowing wether you are still suppose to be with this guy. This is a doosie...the first thing I am ready to say to you is that you need to let this guy know that this lack of communication and abundance of confusion is unacceptable. If you aren't able to convey this message to him within the next week I would consider the relationship expired and keep it moving. You run the risk of dude coming back around and expecting everything to be ok and surprised when when it's not but you cant live your life on hold. As for this other guy, I have two points of opposition to this. One he has someone accounting for him and you should respect that young lady and their relationship; the second is that you should never leave a relationship for another one. Usually relationships that start like this end quickly due to the failure for the new person to meet the expectations you have. You should break up with a person for a concrete reason and you should have a concrete reason for getting into a relationship. When I say concrete reason I am referring to a reason that isn't based on something outside of your particular relationship with whichever person is in question. Maybe you should be single and wait for the person who is meant for you to come along.

PSA- I just decided that I would take a minute to talk about sex. If you haven't had it, just try to wait for marriage or a really serious relationship that you probably won't have the chance to experience until 18 or older(not to say that relationships between individuals younger than this can't be really serious). I know the hormones can rage out of control but if you can control yourself then do so please. It's crazy out here these days and it's true that sex does complicate things most often. If you already crossed that road then hey, it is what it is, just play it safe. If you don't know how to do that then you need not be having sex in the first place. I hope I didn't mess anyone's situation up but hey it needed to be said.

LOVE HIM or LEAVE HIM...

2009-04-23T09:46:00.000-07:00

“ have been seein this guy for several months. and i recently laid some issues of mine on the line. i told him that i didnt wanna be his plaything & that i deserve more than what he has been recently giving me.i let him know that if we were headed down a dead end street then i wanted to end things immediately.his response was that he didnt want to lose me& that he loved me& that i am important to him.i feel as if he has me inside this box:& that what me&him have will never be much more than what it already is. this scares me because i love him and i didnt want to lose him. so my question is should i stay or go. is love enough...especially when he isnt bein all or doing all that he could at this present moment. should i weather the storm& hope/pray that i will come through the end w/ sunny &cloud free skies.

Starting with the last part first the skies probably won't ever really be cloud free and sunny, and if they are it probably wont last long BUT we should always still strive for this anyway. Keep in mind that it's the rough times that make the good times so sweet. This will probably be a short answer that will require some effort and lots of follow through. You did great by putting everything on the table before problems got out of control. Now you need to utilize this technique again and discuss your feelings that he could be doing more and that you feel trapped. Effective communication is the best technique to keep a relationship strong and growing and lack therefore of is probably the number one source of problems in any relationships. With that you also need to let it be known that you are prepared to make a change too, as you may have read in earlier answers, “ change starts with you” and yes you can do it! If after the conversation things still aren't right you may need to inform him that things aren't working out and part ways. Since love seems to be involved and coming from both sides you all should be able to make change and grow together. Don't expect miracles and remember that things will change for good and bad. “You can planned a pretty picnic, but you cant predict the weather”, so be prepared to have a nice lunch indoors, carry an umbrella, or just get wet.

How can I get it to last longer?

2009-04-23T09:29:00.000-07:00

“How can I make my relationship last I mean its perfect as it is but I don't want anything to happen that can mess it up.”

Well change is inevitable. Thats just how life is. Wouldn't be life if it weren't that way. Now this answer will be short compared to some others I have given, but it requires just as much work if not more in order for it to have positive results. First off keep in mind that change is a part of all living things and your relationship is a living thing. Now pay close attention to this, we as individuals are living things so we change which leads to growth...the key to a successful relationship is for both individuals to grow TOGETHER. If you don't grow together you will grow apart and when you grow apart...well lets just say that will most likely be the end to your what is perfect now relationship.

I'm 16 and my life sucks!!!

2009-04-23T08:36:00.000-07:00

"College sucks.. I have made too many mistakes in life that i cant take back.. I do too many stupid things.. I failed 4 times at trying to get a GF well ..actually i never really try... i never talked her ..never said anything so now look what happens when u r quiet or afraid of being rejected.. ur parents what u 2 do this and that and itz really annoying.. and it really sux when everybody around u iz living da life while ur bloging 24 /7 Y life sux.. and they tell u that life gets better life this and that .. ur only 16..you will sumthing that makes u happy etc etc ..ugh im so bored of this crap..."

Sounds like you are unfulfilled and life is rough right now. I hate to say it but you are only 16 and life will change,very soon in fact, hopefully for the better. You are feeling like a lot of sixteen year olds. You are bored just like I was when I was 16. You are worried about girls just like I was at 16. Keep in mind that you should live life by your own standards. It may seem like others around you are living the life but you don't really know what they are going through in life. THERE IS ABSOLUTELY NOTHING WRONG WITH BLOGGING 24/7, if I didn't do it then how would people read my poetry, get their questions answered, read about my life, or read my social commentaries(coming soon!) ?
As for the situation with the young lady; you already know what your problem is, you already know you won't get anywhere as long as fear is holding you back so you will have to muster up the courage and just put yourself out there. It's impossible to find success in anything if you don't believe that you can do it and take that leap of faith. Remember you are only 16 and during the teen years nothing stays the same for too long. I can assure you there a ton of people who wish they wee 16 again, including me sometimes, so don't waste this opportunity, live it up! Keep your head up and keep it moving.

Unfinnished Business

2009-04-23T08:34:00.000-07:00

Me and my girl broke up 2 weeks ago, and while I haven't truly been able to let go completely, part of me sees that she didn't want to do it either. She'll randomly come sit on my lap, say sweet lil things to me, and other things that most girlfriends and boyfriends do. What gives? Is she trying to play both sides?

Well this is an easy one; you need to simply sit her down and ask her what the business is. Explain to her that you still have feelings for her and that judging her actions you think she feels the same way. It is likely that she does considering all the flirtatiousness unless she is playing games and if it does in fact turn out that she is playing games....you should try to politely explain to her that it is best for you if she wouldn't do these things. Now pay attention to the fact I said politely, I wouldn't tell you to let her have it...You have to get everything out on the table and make a choice to fight for your love or take flight away from it. It's all about erasing confusion, foolishness is bred from confusion.

I think I want to date myself...

2009-04-23T07:52:00.000-07:00

Is it healthy for someone to date a person who is exactly like them?

First off too much in common won't affect the health of the individuals involved. So if it floats your boat and turns your wheels then go for it! There is a 'but' though...This situation will most likely prove to be a very boring and possibly an unfulfilling one. If you are dating someone with all the same interest, hobbies and so fourth as you, there will be little room for learning. People who are different from us offer the opportunity to learn. Being with a person who is different from you also provides opportunity to learn/practice/perfect tolerance and diplomacy within a relationship.

I am sure there are more pluses/minuses too both but variety begets education and we live to learn and grow....but if you love yourself sooo much and dating this person is the closest thing you can do to date yourself then I guess it's not much wrong with that...

But I don't wanna!!!

2009-04-22T23:39:00.000-07:00

OK, I don't know if it's arrogance or what but I really feel like I'm on a role with this. Here's the first question where my answer isn't based on direct experience.

Why is it that some parents feel the need to live their dreams through their children?

Well first off I must say that I am not a parent so my answer is theory; I'll be sure to check my answer with some parents. A parent who feels the need to live their dreams through their children obliviously has some unresolved issues within themselves. These individuals may have had their dreams deferred or destroyed by unplanned/unexpected pregnancies. These lost dreams coupled with a parents natural desire for success my cause them to push their children towards what they designate as success. They don't realize that their picture of success might now match up with their children's. Children of these pushy parents can often feel pressured into doing something that they don't want to do irregardless of whether or not the pressure is expressed with implications or explicit requests/demands. Most likely the children will never be able to live up to the big dreams of the parent and may perceive negative emotions from the parent as a result. Parents should realize that their dreams are just that...THEIR DREAMS and should consider trying to make those dreams come true themselves for themselves or get new dreams. Children of parents like this should clearly and effectively express their discontent with the pushiness with their parents. A truly loving and caring parent will understand this request to fall back and will want to support their child in whatever he/she decides to endeavor into.

He won't change, cheats, and keeps our relationship a secret!

2009-04-22T23:35:00.000-07:00

1.Why would a person say they care about you and tell other people they up for changing their life for you, but then they don't even make the effort to see you and when they do see you they give you b.s. about missing you? Is it hypocrisy or are they trying to play with my mind?

I would assume that this person cares for you at least a little bit to even tell you that they are going to change. Changing your life is A LOT OF WORK! A true change can't come over night and is usually no walk in the park so a bit of patience and tolerance is required from you. As far as coming to see you, unless spending time with you was apart of the agreed upon change then you can't relate the two. It seems like you are questioning whether or not this person is really making the change to be a better partner for you, and really that shouldn't be something you have to question. If this is the case though, telling you they are changing but still practicing bad behaviors could be perceived as Hippocratic but remember you have to give people time. In the mean time you should have a conversation with this person and explicitly inform them that you would like for them to spend more time with you. You can't be angry with someone for not knowing. As I discussed in an earlier post, change is best started with you!

2.Why do people cheat; why can't they just break up with one and stay with the other?

This is a question I have been asked before. The answers for this could probably be a whole blog within itself, but I'll discuss a few. People cheat for a variety of reasons including; personal insecurity, variety, its a learned behavior and there are tons of more reasons. Infidelity is the cause of the demise of a many relationships; the person cheated on usually feels angry or upset and begins to distrust the cheater. Exclusiveness should be discussed at every stage of a relationship. There needs to be clear communication about the rights of each individual as it regards seeing other people. Often times problems with monogamy stem from examples set in childhood. We learn relationship building and maintenance from our parents/guardians as children and often these lessons translate into instinctive behaviors be they good or bad. The key here is for both persons entering into a relationship to be honest and upfront about there expectations, history, needs, and wants. If a change of attitude is required remember to have patience and tolerance and show gratitude for any change that takes place.

3.Should a relationship be kept a secret to keep an ex' from getting jealous?

Well this is an interesting question, I must break a rule and answer this question with another question...Does it really matter what this ex' thinks? I mean they are an ex' for a reason and usually once a person enters ex-land your responsibility to ensure their happiness and what not is relieved. Now if that ex' happens to be your friend and you are keeping your relationship a secret to hide your wrongdoing....well that's just wrong.

If all these issues are with the same individual then this relationship seems like it's bound to crash and burn. If you want to save it then clear and effective communication is a must; as well as change in attitudes and behavior from all interested parties.

P.S. you can check out some poems I did that relate to these questions by CLICKING HERE.

I hate you so much!!!!....or do I?

2009-04-22T20:13:00.000-07:00

This is my first question so I hope I nail it. So here we go...

Why is it that females have a tendency to stay with a guy even though they are all wrong for them or the guy does them wrong and they ignore it???

First off thanks for your question, but I think the better question is why do people have tendency to stay in relationships with people who they feel are just all wrong for them. There a ton of different reasons that could apply to this situation. I will go into a few. The first reason I can think of is; a person can be under the impression that they can somehow change the person who they are with. FYI YOU CANNOT CHANGE ANYONE BUT YOURSELF! Don't waste your time trying to change anyone else but yourself, in a relationship the easiest way to change something is by changing yourself. Once you change yourself the other person will most likely have to change their behavior to properly react to your actions. Another reason could be; a person thinks that a negative situation will work itself. Some people have a stroke of good luck and this has happened for them; but most of us aren't that lucky so it takes a proactive approach to change a situation. Refer back to the first situation and remember that this change will happen faster and easier and most likely only if you make it within yourself. A third reason could be; convenience. A lot of time people find themselves staying in relationships because it is convenient; if this is you save yourself some time and stress and if you are a good person guilt and break it off. Staying with a person because of convenience is just like using them and that's just not nice SO DON'T DO IT! If you really feel someone is wrong for you then you wouldn't be with them, and if you do it's probably for one of the preceding reason and you already know that it's not a good idea to continue with that. Sometimes you have to kiss a lot of toads before you find your prince/princess. So throw that toad back and keep kissing ;-)

About

2009-04-22T19:01:00.000-07:00

www.askYoooEverett.com is a question and answer/advice blog from Yooo Everett. Questions can be sent in via email, sms, facebook, and twitter. The site also allows visitors to call in and leave a voice mail. Visitors can receive emergency counseling via IM and phone call. The blog goes live with the askYoooEverett LIVE Q&A webseries. www.askYoooEverett.com uses the newest advances in web technology to aid persons in need of advice and support.

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2009-04-22T17:17:00.000-07:00

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2009-04-22T16:35:00.000-07:00

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2009-04-22T16:30:00.000-07:00

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